NL MVP of the Half-Year - SCOTT ROLEN, CARDINALS -- It's almost impossible to make the argument that any player is more valuable to any team than Barry Bonds is to the Giants. But we'll make an exception in Rolen's case.

...

AL Cy Young of the Half-Year - MARK MULDER, A'S -- He doesn't dazzle you with his unhittability, like Randy Johnson. He isn't a strikeout machine, like Kerry Wood. He may not have Pedro's changeup or Roger Clemens' splitter or even Barry Zito's hook. But for sheer, inning-eating dependability, it doesn't get any better these days than Mulder.

...

AL Rookie of the Half-Year - BOBBY CROSBY, A'S -- Crosby is on the way to a terrific little 20-homer, 70-RBI season. And, after a rocky start, he looks better every day with the bat and glove.

Reports of Mark Mulder's Death are greatly exaggerated. - And so continues the predictions. As you can tell, the prediction for American League Cy Young is the always "Foxy" (boo) Mark Mulder. He's the black sheep of the staff, caught between the established starlight of Tim Hudson and Barry Zito and the rising star-dom of Rich Harden. But even as a "solid 3," he's got a hell of a lot more talent than lots of other pitchers in the American League.

...

Now that you've waded through this post, my official selection for rookie of the year, based on the extremely scientific method of flipping a coin is: Bobby Crosby.

Congrats, Kid.

An obvious strategic question presented itself: could the Red Sox run up
the score by bunting the ball at Sheffield?

The Ballad Of Joe Moock: and other Mets hot cornermen who weren't so hot

WALLY BACKMAN Was a lousy third sackman Like 100-odd other Met vets-- From FELIX MANTILLA To BOBBY BONILLA, Who cursed like a man with Tourette's.

GARY CARTER Made third base look harder Than walking on fresh-waxed linoleum. BUTCH HUSKEY Was so often rusty He whirlpool-bathed in Rust-Oleum.

TEDDY MARTINEZ And CHICO FERNANDEZ: Together they gave the Mets nada. One part rum And two parts bum Make a FERNANDO VINA colada.

BILL SPIERS Seldom inspires Comparisons to those who played well. HUBIE BROOKS Played like a Brooks-- Not Robinson, sadly, but Mel.

CHUCK HILLER Was worse than KEITH MILLER Who was worse than ELLIOTT MADDOX. The two Mr. EDS Who played third for the Mets Were quickly returned to their paddocks.

BOB ASPROMONTE Was not the full 'monte-- That was his big brother Ken. TATUM and GRAHAM Had hands made of ham. RICH PUIG belonged in a pen.

TIM BOGAR Was no Humphrey Bogart-- He was not even Lauren Bacall. And CARLOS BAERGA Needed Viagra Just to get wood on the ball.

JACK HEIDEMANN Was a Flintstone vitamin-- A man who got eaten alive. As for WAYNE GARRETT, He never could snare it-- His vanity plates read E-5.

AMOS OTIS Eluded the notice Of baseball's elite Hall of Fame. While ROD KANEHL Caused Stengel to squeal, "Can't anyone here play this game?"

JUNIOR NOBOA Was not a strong throwa, He played with the greatest of E's. BILL PECOTA Had a strong oda Reminiscent of moldering cheese.

MIKE CUBBAGE Excelled at ball flubbage-- He simply could not find the handle. But TIM FOLI-- After two shots of Stoli-- Looked almost as good as LEN RANDLE.

JOSE MORENO (For all that we know) Was really his big sister, Rita. A NAPOLEON (Danny), An ALEXANDER (named Manny)-- Neither man was a great leada.

CHICO WALKER, Clean out your locker, You're as versatile as a cadaver. JERRY GROTE, You reek like a roadie Who's toured for a year with Blues Traveler.

MATT FRANCO (In Spanish, "El Ranko") Was inexpressibly vile. Along with BOB PFEIL The two had a style Historians call Rank-and-Pfeil.

SHAWN GILBERT Not unlike Dilbert, Simply could not please his bosses. They knew for more wins They'd need fewer DOUG FLYNNS, And fewer JOE FOYS and BOB KLAUSES.

JEFF KENT Was prudent to rent: He was in Queens for what seemed like a day. PHIL MANKOWSKI May I have your house key? It seems you've been waived away.

A. ESPINOZA, Like Lou (the Toe) Groza, Was famous for booting the ball. AARON LEDESMA Had Al Gore's charisma And the arm of a Gore--Gore Vidal.

RON HUNT-- Shall we be blunt?-- Was not someone we'd pay to go see. But BOB BAILOR Was no total failure: At least he was not JIM FREGOSI.

TIM TEUFEL-- Though German for "devil"-- Still inspired no terror. JASON HARDTKE? We're pretty sure he's A typographical error.

DON ZIMMER Has X-rays that shimmer With stainless-steel plates in his noggin. CRAIG SHIPLEY Went downhill so quickly He must have used a toboggan.

KEVIN COLLINS, Unbothered by pollens, Was allergic instead to success. Nor was BILL ALMON An accomplished groundballman-- He was swiftly shown the egress.

TOMMIE REYNOLDS Should have been kenneled And if you think he was a dog, Then what of AL WEIS Who couldn't catch flies If you turned him into a frog?

TUCKER ASHFORD, Like a drink on a dashboard, Lasted only about a half minute. CLINT HURDLE Wore fame like a girdle-- He never seemed to fit in it.

PUMPSIE GREEN Had a name half obscene And so, in a way, did STEVE SPRINGER. DAVE KINGMAN Had a terrible swing, man But could he ever hit a long dinger.

On AMADO SAMUEL It is best not to dwell, He will never hear fans chanting, "Sammy!" And soft KEVIN MITCHELL, The slightest leg twitch'll Cause him to blow out his hammy.

TOM O'MALLEY Inspired no rally When stepping into the box. And then there's FRANK THOMAS, Who wasn't--we promise-- The one who's on the White Sox.

TED SCHREIBER Is not a subscriber So we can say he was swine. To his kemosabe A young man named Bobby, We say, "Don't be our VALENTINE."

KEN BOYER Like a bad lawyer Never prepared a defense. MACKEY SASSER Was so large in the ass, for Undies he wore circus tents.

GARY KOLB Could have been sold As a bobble-handed Mets' doll. CHARLEY NEAL Was not a trained seal: He had no nose for the ball.

JOHN STEARNS Had hot-corner burns Over 90% of his body. LARRY BURRIGHT Looked skyward one night And pleaded, "Beam me up, Scotty."

CHRIS DONNELS And Chris O'Donnell-- The two have something in common: Like KELVIN CHAPMAN, Donnels was crap, man, While Chris O'Donnell played Robin.

If SAMMY DRAKE Were a T-bone steak, He'd require a lot of A-1. Whereas S. FERRER Would be medium rare: Nothing he did was well done.

ALEX TREVINO Resembled El Nino In the sense that both of them blew. If CLIFF COOK Was a bear in a book They'd call him Losie the Pooh.

AL MORAN Is in the Koran As the first sign of the Apocalypse. The second sign, Most scholars find, Is the unspeakable play of MIKE PHILLIPS.

SANDY ALOMAR Made like Alydar And sired a couple of studs. But he was more awful Than day-old falafel; Before long the job was JOEL YOUNGBLOOD's.

PHIL LINZ, Like other fill-ins, Never really panned out. RICK HERRSCHER-- We'll get letters, fer sure-- Was both a dog and a kraut.

RICHIE HEBNER Was bad with the leather-- BOB HEISE was a terrible stick man. Add 'em together-- No stick and no leather-- And you get the inept JIMMY HICKMAN.

KEVIN MORGAN, Like Shea, had one organ, But the Mets themselves had two JOHNSONS. There was HOWARD (or "HoJo") And BOB (never "BoJo"-- His temper was worse than Chuck Bronson's).

CHARLEY SMITH At third took the fifth Or his every act would incriminate. About ROY STAIGER Even Tony the Tiger Would have to say, "He's not grrreat!"

Your ROSS JONESES And ELIO CHACONSES, Joe Moocks and Jerry Buchekses-- If dreadful careers Were longhorned steers These four men would be Texas.

JEFF MCKNIGHT And Slappy White are equally lacking in gravitas. You need three e's To spell JEFFERIES, Another third baseman emeritus.

LEO FOSTER Belongs on this roster Along with RON GARDENHIRE. Look what the cat dragged in-- SAUNDERS and MAGADAN-- Two other stiffs for our pyre.

KEN BOSWELL Alighted in Roswell-- He certainly played like a spaceman. LOPEZ, STEPHENSON, RAMIREZ and TEMPLETON: Stop when we've named a third baseman.

The err apparent To these (RAY) KNIGHTS errant Was a kid by the name of PAQUETTE. He's bad, undesirable. Unwaiverwireable. In short, he's a future ex-Met.

As for JOE TORRE, Now there's a short story-- A bleak one, something by Sartre. And finally, EDGARDO ALFONZO, Who wasn't in Bedtime for Bonzo-- But we defy you to tell them apart.

ED BRESSOUD and ED CHARLES

One for the Ages
You can talk of meetings great and known
Way back in olden days
But all of them must step aside
When the Royals meet the Rays

War Admiral and Seabiscuit?
Mere mules when they compare
To the thoroughbreds who'll run
the course down in the D-Rays lair.

Schmelling versus Louis?
Bantams both they be
When weighed against the pugilists
of Tampa and K.C.

Nicklaus versus Palmer?
Just weekend duffers they
When measured up to those
who'll fight down in Tampa Bay

Think of battles epic
Like Stalingrad and the Bulge
Just skirmishes when put beside
What these teams shall indulge.

You can crow of showdowns from the past
But all will come up short
When K.C. wrestles Tampa Bay
Now that, good friend, is sport!

BACK TO the dugout, Cooperstown and Hoboken -- two pretenders to the honor of being the birthplace of baseball back in the 19th century. It turns out that the game was played so vigorously in the 18th century in Pittsfield that officials banned it within 80 yards of the Congregational meetinghouse. A baseball historian's discovery of a 1791 ordinance drawn up to protect the new building's windows has brought a glow to the Western Massachusetts city